Falling in love: thoughts and perspective from a single woman

  So.. this is kinda a different post from me.. if you want to keep reading please do.. if not that's okay too. :)

    I guess I don't have much experience when it comes to being in love.. because I have never actually been in love, (except with my savior Jesus) But being in love with a man I have not.. Yes, I have been in a relationship, but I was by no means in love with him. So, I guess when it comes to being in love I really have no actual experience, but this post isn't about me being in love.

  Everywhere I go if I'm in a conversation with someone I am usually asked the question "so… You have a boyfriend?" and the answer is no, and sometimes people look at you like your from another planet. I can almost picture the words in their heads, "Your 22 and still no boyfriend?" and the conversation usually goes to me telling them that I am waiting for the right person to come along. Maybe something else is said but the conversation usually drops from there.

 I will be honest... that's a hard answer to swallow sometimes.. no. Do I desire to be in a relationship, yes. Am I ready to be in a relationship.. not sure. But that is something that I do desire. I will admit it is very hard not having someone to love. But I believe when it's time the Lord will bring the right one along. I hear tons of people saying "be content in the Lord" and other such things.. and yes, I am striving for that. But we are human, and created for relationship. I can still desire to be in a relationship while being satisfied in the Lord. It gets to be a problem when I put that desire above what the Lord wants for me. Which I pray does not happen.

  But when I look around in my life I see a lot of couples.. but how many of them are truly in love? Are you truly in love or are you just using your spouse? Are you using the relationship as a convenience to you? How many people out there are in a relationship but still feel so empty? If your empty did you really ever love that person? What is true love? 

John 15:13 'Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends'

Okay.. so what does love between a husband and wife look like..

Ephesians 5:22 'Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.' (Note: This verse was NOT made for a man to make his wife his slave.. please study scripture before you make comments on this verse. Please do not take it out of context.)

Ephesians 5:25 'Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.'

  Love is a sacrifice.,. I should say that TRUE love is a sacrifice. Can you be in "love" and not have sacrifice? Sure, cause that is worldly love. Worldly love says I can what I want and you can do what you want. But Godly live comes with a sacrifice. This is the kind of love I want. I want a husband who loves the Lord and is willing to lead his family in such a way that brings them closer to the Lord. And in turn I want to be a wife who loves and supports my husband. There are a lot of other things I wish to be in a wife... but that I might discuss later... haha

So, there you have it... my perspective on love. I leave you with this, the ultimate expression of love...

Changes

  Well... A lot of changes have happened in the last few weeks. After a series of events I have moved back home. Yeah, it's kinda crazy and most people are asking why I did it. Well. you see.. the Lord shut some doors, and I felt the direction he was moving me in was to go home. How long will I be here? I have no idea. But, I will be faithful where I have been called.

  With all this going on there's been some changes in my heart as well. Really trying to hear what the Lord wants and put away any selfish desires I may have. I know the Lord wants to give me the desires of my heart.. but I also believe that sometimes my flesh gets in the way and what I think may be my desires is just my flesh talking. When I truly know the Lord my desires will become His desires for me. And yet, sometimes He may tell me "no" or "not yet", which hurts. But I have to know that He knows what's best for me. And He will continue to guide me.

Friendship

    I am sitting in my room tonight just thinking about some things, and I guess I've just been a little naive about friendships in my life. It took me so long to actually have good friendships in my life. I went though school and only have a few people that I still talk to from high school, and maybe a handful that I would consider good friends. Going to the HA you get to know a lot of people, and I guess I thought more people I would stay in contact with, but still there's only a few that I still talk to on a regular basis. But why is that? Why are people (myself included) so bad at staying in contact with others? There are people that I have met in my life that I really tried to invest in a relationship with, yet since being out of the HA we haven't said more than 2 words to each other.
   But what makes a true friend? Does it mean you call each other every day or even text each other every day? No, it doesn't. But I think what a true friendship is, is when you may not talk to the person every day.. but you know exactly who to call when you need prayer or encouragement or something exciting just happened. Those true friends are the ones you turn to first. Because you know that they live life with you. You can talk about something great that happened, and then the next minute cry your eyes out and 2 seconds later laugh again. Those people I know I can count on. They've seen me through the worst times in my life, and they have stuck by me. And they have also been with me when everything is going great in my life, and they celebrate with me. Those are the types of friends I want to keep around.
  I understand that not everyone is going to be my best friend, and I don't think I'd want a ton of best friends, and my best friends know who they are, and those girls will never be replaced. I know I have been blessed by them. But you don't have to be someone's best bud to be an encouragement to them. You just have to listen. If you have a willing heart they may feel they can open up to you, and that's also a friend. Friendships can come in many different forms, and I'm grateful for all of my friends.

A week and a half later...

I'm here!!!!

  So.. here I am, living in Franklin, TN, no longer apart of the Honor Academy. In all honesty it's kinda scary. I still don't think it's hit me yet that I wont be going back to TX in a few days. And I'm not excited for when it actually does hit me.
  Though I know this where the Lord wants me, I still find myself questioning... did I make the right choice? Was I supposed to go home before I moved here? What am I supposed to do now that I'm here? But then I step back and think... why do I doubt the Lord? What is it in my human nature that I'm more inclined not to trust Him? I don't think I understand it. Because while some things are falling through other opportunities are showing up. But, it all comes down to trust. Am I really going to trust the Lord and let Him lead me over this next season of my life? Or am I going to try and take control? I need to let Him control this. Because with me leading the charge this won't go anywhere. But with the Lord, He will take me exactly where He wants me. So, while things may look bleak in some areas around me, I know that He is in control. And I know He will provide everything I need.

Prayer changes things

Wow.. can i just say that the Lord is SO good. Now, I'm not just saying this because of what he's done.. but He truly is good.

 Over this last week there were a lot of different situations that were going on in my life. And I will admit, sometimes I gave over to my emotions and wasn't choosing to have joy, but none the less the Lord kept showing himself to me. But it seemed like over the last few weeks that the Lord has allowed situations to come into my life so that I would have more of an opportunity to choose to trust Him.
    Situation 1: My Honor Academy finances. Man, it seems that from day one finances for the HA have been a struggle for me. Every month I was on a fundraising trip.. but yet I was never financially dismissed. The Lord always pulled through. Though it may seem like it was always at the last minute, it wasn't last minute for Him. And here I am... 3 years later, still at the HA. I started out this week needing $650 in order to graduate. Now, I only need $100. How amazing is that? The Lord provided that.
   Situation 2: last week we found out that my grandpa had cancer in his ear canal. We weren't sure how serious it was, but any cancer isn't good. I had heard that if he had surgery he wouldn't come out without repercussions. So.. i started praying. And i got others to pray. I didn't know what the Lord would do, but I knew I had to pray. Today I got the news that the cancer isn't as bad as they thought, and that it wasn't in his ear canal. So the doctors they can do surgery and get it all out!

There's a couple other things I could list.. but that may take awhile... :)
But, this just proves that prayer changes things. My God is a mountain mover.

Trusting in the Lord

What does that look like? I mean, can anyone give a practical step by step look at what trusting the Lord looks like? Nope, at least i don't think so.

I don't think there is anything practical about trusting the Lord. Because actually trusting Him, without any limits, full on trusting Him, is something a lot of people don't do. I think a lot of people miss it.. myself included. I mean, I want to trust the Lord, but then situations come, and for some reason I think I can take care of my heart and life better then the Lord can. Which is not true in the least bit. If anyone can take care of me it is Him.

But why do we think we can do it better? I think I'm still trying to figure that out. And funny enough, the last 3 years of my life have been a continual journey of trusting the Lord. And I still try and take control of things. But if I'm going to make it, I HAVE to give it to Him. I think my biggest prayer the last few months is that the Lord would teach me how to trust Him, and little by little, I know everything will get easier. Trusting Him will be easier. Once He has the control He will take care of everything else. Life will not always be easy, but He's always there right beside me.

The Lord's revelation

  I was talking to one of the girls in my house last night just about some different things we had been dealing with over the past few months. She was telling me about the revelation that the Lord had given her. I had something, not really thinking about what I was saying, but last night, as i looked back on what I had said it made total sense to me and the Lord used it to help me with what I'm facing with different situations in my life.

  We were talking about giving things to the Lord (Situations, struggles, ect) and asking Him to take them from us. What I told her was basically this...
  We can tell the Lord over and over again to take something away from us, but if we (spiritually speaking) still have a tight grip on that and will not let it go He cannot take it. You see, the Lord wants to take our worries and problems away and wants to give us a light load...

Matthew 11:30

²⁹Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
 ³⁰For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

 But, The Lord is a gentleman and will not force us to do something that in all reality will benefit us more then it will benefit Him. He loves us enough that He would not only die for us, but he doesn't want us to weigh ourselves down with the "issues" we have that we can't even fix without His help. So, unless I ask God to take something and willingly surrender it... He will not take it.

Anyway.. The Lord's just a good God. He loves me so much. :)

Life's unexpected turns

  Well, Today has just been one of those days where you feel like it's just not going to turn out well.. but I am still trusting the Lord with every situation.
  Today I tried to get a hold of the lady that I am waiting to hear back for my job next year. Well, she called me back and told me that for now things are not going to work out. The reason is they needed someone for the summer, and this girl already lives in Nashville. But if for some reason she doesn't work out they will give me a call...

  So.. let's just say things are kind of at a stand-still. I'm not sure what to do at this moment other then try again. I know that the Lord has called me to Nashville. Now i just have to decide if I'm going to allow one setback to totally set me back from where the Lord has called me to.
  So.. if you are reading this I ask for your prayers. I know this is where the Lord wants me. He is the one directing my path.

Knowing the value of family

  Many of you know that recently there have been a lot of bad weather hit in several different area's around the US. I think sometimes in the US we see all the tragedy happening in other parts of the world and we think that could never happen to us. And now we are seeing these things happen in our own neighborhoods.
  I recently had a phone conversation with my mom and she told me that my brother's house was partially destroyed by the tornado. Almost the entire roof was taken off of his house. Thankfully he was not home when this happened. Thank God he wasn't home.. Really. I was just sitting here thinking about it, and a part of me wants to weep. My brother could have been in the number of those dead from the storm damage. I thank God for the things that made it seem that it was taking too much time. because of that my brother is still alive.
  Some and read this and think I'm making too big of a deal about this... but i assure you i am not. It is by the Lord's grace alone that my brother is still here.

Please be in prayer though.. the rebuilding process will be difficult. Pray that my brother would see the grace of the Lord on his life and truly come to know Him.

Let's give this a go..

So, this is not my first time attempting to write a blog. You know, the craze with xanga and other blog sites. Been there, done that.. made about 2 posts, then forgot about having it. So, all of that to say that I hope to keep up on this and actually write something every once and a while.

I know this first post isn't much to look at.. but maybe in a few days I'll have something else up.
Until then.. enjoy your day. :)